Thoughts flood like rainstorm into a lowland village. Wanting to escape, finding ways, seeping through holes. Pen, paper, where are you? Back of an old notebook? yes, that would do. Thoughts slowly flowing, slowly, as i write them all not minding of errors in grammar, no room for second thoughts, just letting it flow. Every release is a relief to the mind and heart. It felt like cleansing, cleansing my inner being.
This is my life back then.
When pen-paper-coffee were my companions anytime of the day. They fill the gaps when the world seemed to turn its back. When i felt invisible to the people around me. As if im not around. Thoughts built the bridge to this new-found friendship. And they’re not just any kind of bridges, they’re strong, ready to endure rib-tickling laughter, made more to withstand heartaches, pain.
Yes, this is my life back then.
This friendship filled the empty spaces left by friends who come-and-go. Filled the void of wanting a companion to talk to. And this made me enjoy the single life. It made me understand whats happening around me. It gave me the benefit of deeply understanding myself. That living a single life is not sad or lonely at all. It is not depressing. That being single (since birth) shouldn’t bother someone at the age of 20 or higher. And that friends are just around the corner. That they too have a life of their own, so they might not be around sometimes. And you should not expect that they should make-up for time not spent with you. For in those times you know that they’re happy living their life, you ought to be happy for them too. It also provided me the right mindset to find the logic in the decisions I have taken. This made me see the things I failed to see when im not alone. That in looking deeply into one’s self makes you understand other people too.
And yes, this molded a part of who I am now.
I have come to understand that I had to go through all that to prepare myself to a life with someone. That in order for me to recognize the treasure brought by love I should first learn to see love in me. That without those moments I may not have seen and feel the joy in being single while feeling the excitement of being in love..with someone..someday. And yet those days of ‘pen-paper-coffee’ friendship I could still enjoy up until now that I am with HIM…my special someone.
Writing..yes, this is what you’ve done. What you’ve done to me.
I confess im missing you a lot these days. Not because im feeling alone for I am not. I am happy…happily engaged to the one I love. This feeling I have now is perpetual bliss. I wish one day, someday my future kids will build their own friendships with you too while having their friendship with me and my husband-to-be.
Honestly I just miss an old friend, who never really left, only waited. 🙂
–Hazel Pamela-
EXTRA NOTES:
I am sending out this message to the cosmic void…
‘I hope someone out there is enjoying a friendship as much as or more of what I already have.’
haze in soLace... 